OXFORD FRUSTRATES WEEKENDERS

As England fail, yet again, to beat Australia at Lord’s, so the Weekenders extend their unwinning run at Baliol. On the upside, we don’t lose much there either.

Emeriti grabbed the early advantage by winning the toss and inserting the Weekenders on a track, which reacted to the recent rain in lively fashion. Vickery and Hogben played a testing opening attack with aplomb, until Hoggers was deemed aplumb by umpire Kim. Opinion on the sidelines was divided between ‘unlucky’ and ‘very unlucky’, but Hoggers showed his forgiving nature by allowing that Richard had no option but to call it as he saw it - an approach taken thereafter by all umpires throughout the day.

At the tavern, Johnners had let slip the startling admission that he spends his nights poring over old Weekenders statistics, but the resulting quizzical glances soon turned to appreciative nods as he set about rewriting the records he’d so recently memorised. He carted the Emeriti spinners all round the park and, when he felt the need to go aerial, showed brilliant placement in picking out the fielders who looked least comfortable under the high ball. The fun ended on a neat 50 when a lapse of concentration led him to pick out the one man in Oxford capable of both catching a ball AND successfully giving the appearance of remaining on the field of play.

Meanwhile, having seen off one of the better opening attacks we’ve encountered this season, Morty’s progress was all serenity. Realising that a proper partnership relies on contrast between the batsmen, he counter-pointed the bullish Johnstone by reclining in a metaphorical banana lounge of his own creation, leaning lazily back to pull the short stuff and occasionally standing up to punch a drive into the new college buildings down the ground. All he lacked was one of those funny umbrella drinks, but on celebrating his 50, he completed the metaphor by dispensing with the plain coloured helmet and calling for his harlequin cap and a glacé cherry on a stick.

In the quest to maintain the soaring run rate, the Weekenders began to experiment. Harvey Junior’s scientific batting continued to give weight to the theorem that form is indeed temporary, while Harvey Senior assessed the effects of eight weeks’ sipping wine and climbing steep gradients in France. Richard ‘Trigger’ Kim discovered that, when it comes to LBWs, what goes around comes around, leaving Miki G and El Presidente to sort out the literature review and the references. They swiftly put a stop to the rot and to any unsustainable delusions of acceleration, steadying things magnificently just as the trademark ‘Weekenders Wobble’ threatened to gladden Oxford hearts. A delicate Presidential late cut and a last ball biff from Nick McB saw us scale the heights of 177 and head in for a G8-style tea under the proud sponsorship of the incumbent Chief Executive.

Toad-wise, Messrs Dunne and McBride exploited both the pitch and the slips cordon superbly. Johnners, having put the batting stats out of his mind, began reeling off the names and tallies of past holders of the most-catches-in-a-Weekenders-season record while swooping on two neat grabs. He and Morty also called a tactical time-out for a discussion on the best places to stand. Finding themselves with nothing to do, Skips and Dunne idly chatted about the possibility of leaving a huge gap at cover so as to invite an expansive drive if Steve could stick the ball in the right place. Next ball, Steve stuck the ball in the right place, the expansive drive was duly edged, and Morty found himself standing in exactly the right place.

Emeriti reacted calmly to the loss of early wickets, grabbing the entrenching tools and frustrating the Weekenders’ attack. Adam Swift played a fine hand but caution finally got the better of him. Refusing to be suckered into an expansive drive, he watched, bat held high, as Dunne jagged one back into the timbers. Exit one Swift; enter another - as President Clive was called to the bowling crease. He sensibly got the game moving again by pulling out the credit card and announcing that not only was he buying tea, but he was in the market for wickets too. Faced with such a tempting offer, Emeriti couldn’t help but shrug and yell, “Sale Now On - Bargains Galore”. Skips proved not once, but twice, that one hand is all you need when the ball is hammered back above your head, while Harvey senior chimed in with a stumping so neat that the batsman was left applauding both bowler and keeper. Emeriti narrowly avoided a presidential hat-trick, but by the time the seamers came back on the Prez had a three-for and fellow twirler Richard Kim was unlucky to finish with just the one pole.

Luck also deserted the seamers, with the Emeriti 9th wicket pair surviving a rash of close calls and fruitless appeals before seeing the Oxford side to safety. The Weekenders trooped off to enjoy some refreshingly random showers and some even more refreshing beverages. However the day had a final twist in the tail: as Skips, Hoggers, Morty and the Harveys headed cheerfully back to the cars, they discovered that Oxford had one last treat in store - in the form of a couple of black and yellow envelopes cheerfully emblazoned with the words ‘Penalty Notice’.

Frustrating.

Weekenders CC: 177-7 (42 overs)
Vickery 71, Hogben 26, Johnstone 50, Gallagher 8, M.Harvey 1, J. Harvey 2, Kim 0, Swift 2*, McBride 4*, Dunne & d’Inverno DNB

Oxford Emeriti: 154-8 (38 overs)
McBride 10-1-33-1, Dunne 15-1-40-3, Kim 5-0-16-1, Swift 4-0-28-3, d’Inverno 4-0-33-0
Catches: Johnstone 2, d’Inverno 2, Vickery 1
Stumping: J.Harvey 1

Match Drawn