(The match report for Little Missenden Misfits vs Weekenders for Sunday 14 August appears to have been lost. Instead, the postman mistakenly delivered this letter to the club secretary, which was surely destined for an unknown address somewhere in France. In a peculiar coincidence, the correspondent appears to have witnessed some the events of the day in question, and, with translation and a little editing, would seem to offer the best available account.)
Mon cher Christopher...
What a bizarre people, these English. Everything about them seems to be just as it should be in the southern hemisphere! As I walked around the beautiful village of Little Missenden as if I owned it, I noticed that the weather, with the rain, was just as it should be in the winter months! And then, as I came across a cricket pitch a little later on, I found that most of the people dressed in the white clothes were indeed from Australia! How very strange! It will be snowing in Melbourne next! What an upside down world!!!
Cricket is a game for summer, I am told, to be played on a dry ground with a firm surface for the bowling. And yet the teams decided to play on a very wet ground. I have heard also that the English are generous with their money, but when one of the home team threw a coin in the air, he put it back in its pocket despite the weekenders captain guessing which side it would come down. It took them a long time to dig it back out from what they called the pitch - they must be short of money!
All eleven weekenders then stood in the field getting wet, and decided to amuse themselves by sliding around and showing their skill by often managing not to be hit by the ball as the batsmen hit it at them! Fortunately there are many hedges nearby to prevent the ball rolling too far. I am sure some of the Weekenders team would be very good players of the basketball - because when the men with the wooden sticks hit it at them in the air, they often bounced it on the floor once or twice before throwing it back! This happened very often.
Eventually the men with the funny things stuck to their legs got hungry and walked off to eat sandwiches, and then the Weekenders went out with their sticks of wood, but the other team were not so good at the basketball, and were unable to avoid the ball as it was hit towards them.
So some of the Weekenders men with sticks started to hit the ball past them and over them, as men as old as Jacques Chirac started to throw the ball at them through the air. Soon the Weekenders were looking for ten - or whatever "nine and over" might mean. I think the other team had lots of suggestions - because they all came and stood very close to the middle where the very short fence had been erected (there was one at each end! But the only thing it seemed to stop was the ball when the Weekenders were batting!).
But in the end - everyone walked off with no-one winning! It was just like all the strikes this country has! The teams decided it was a draw - and then they went to the pub - which was strange once again, because that was where they were before they decided to go to play cricket - and the Weekenders looked happy again at last!
But then - as they say in English - "c'est la vie".
Adieu Le Plat Pierre.
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WCC won toss - chose to field.
Little Missenden 211-2.
Vettickat 8-1-29-0
McBride 5-0-24-0
Maloney 4-0-22-0
Harvey 12-1-59-1
Simmonds 7-2-37-1
Kim 3-0-29-0
catches to McBride and Simmonds
Batting totals 165 -7
Vickery 32
Maloney 15
Husaini 5
Johnstone 54 (keeper)
McBride & Shoesmith (debut) also batted - not sure how many they got, both dismissed.
Harvey 19*
Kim 9
Simmonds 8*
Vuletich & Vettickat DNB.
Vickery and Maloney put on 43 and Johnstone and Harvey 73
ENDS