VIRUS ALERT

VIRUS ALERT: Over the past 48 hours, many of you will have received unsolicited emails from the e-mail address Christopher.Johnstone@CliffordChance.com concerning an alleged match-winning innings of 67* against Kensington Cricket Club. DO NOT, under any circumstances, DOWNLOAD OR REPLY to these e-mails as to do so will only encourage even more unsolicited correspondence which is likely to kill off your productivity at work and eat up the balance of your hard drive. The administrator thanks you for your patience and hopes to return you to regular service following this weekend's fixture against Actors Anonymous.

Match played at Burbage Road, Dulwich 5/6/05
Kensington 164 (41 overs)
WCC 168-3 (36.2 overs)
WCC won match by 7 wickets
Man of the Match: Chris Johnstone

Kick off for this much anticipated fixture was scheduled for 2:00pm sharp but as usual, only two thirds of Weekenders could be accounted for when the toss allegedly took place (incredibly, we were bowling first again). A broad range of excuses for this tardiness was offered up but nothing could match the creative genius of Johnners' "my washing machine blew up". When quorum was finally achieved, we found (much to our delight) that 12 players were present and accounted for. The luxury of a 12th man enabled several Weekenders to enjoy on a rotational basis a well deserved 5 over break from their regular fielding duties although sadly, it was necessary to unceremoniously recall certain players to the pitch who were fielding dangerously close to Mrs Gallagher in the pavilion before their 5 overs were up!

The Kensington innings started well for the Weekenders with a new ball being called for by the Skipper after only 8 deliveries. Suffice to say, if you hold stocks in the Pioneer Cricket Ball Company, sell them now before its too late! When play resumed, Douggo and Wiskas made good use of the second new ball picking up some key top order scalps (including the prized wicket of Neeraj Nayar) with a deadly combination of pace, movement and woeful shot selection. Johnners and newcomer, Piers, demonstrated that when we put our minds to it, we really can put hand to leather and it wasn't until the 4th chance of the day before the regular catching standard set in. At 36 for 5, things were looking very rosy indeed and the Skipper felt sufficiently brave to take off the "quicks" and throw the ball to Ray and Flat Pete. After some early pies (by their own admission), Ray and Flat soon found their rhythm and within another 30 runs, had managed to dispose of the entire Kensington middle order in an electrifying spell of top-spinners, zooters, wrong-uns and waist high legside full tosses which were inexplicably missed by over-eager batsmen. It was at 68 for 8 that Vijay, an experienced Weekender who really ought to know better, decided to "do a Disco" and announce that the game was already "in the bag". 94 runs and three substitute fielding rotations latter (courtesy of Jefferson's 26, Jon Pickles' 18 and Jimmy Pickles 64*), the final Kensington wicket fell and Vijay returned to the pavilion to tuck into a generous slice of humble pie (Wiskas obliging put away the rest!).

As always, Kensington put on a magnificent spread at tea time consisting of quarter-cut sandwiches, fresh melon and a fine assortment of cakes including arguably the season's finest cup cakes to date. Tea also included a veritable mountain of chipolata sausages, scotch eggs and sausage rolls which saw certain Weekenders take to the batting crease with dangerously high processed meat levels.

For some opening batsmen, the prospect of a 160-odd run chase on a lively Dulwich wicket on an overcast day in June would be vaguely intimidating but not for our very own Hoggers and Marvel who took to the task with tremendous enthusiasm and panache (or at least a reasonable imitation of it). Hoggers holed out first for a dashing 23 and his successor Vickery followed soon after for a disappointing 9. Cometh the hour, cometh the man. With things looking a little jittery for the Weekenders, Johnners confidently ambled to the crease looking (in his own words) trim, taught and terrific - a tribute to a diet of dates, cous cous and sun dried camel's dung during his 12 month hiatus in the Kingdom of Bahrain. For the next hour and half, he treated us to an exceptional innings of raw power and innovation. His 67 not out comprised a staggering 14 boundaries and put the game beyond a shadow of a doubt. After the late departure of Marvel for a well compiled 42, Micky G, Johnners and Sundries (Weekender's Player of the Year 1985, 1993 and 2002 respectively) helped steer us over the line and straight into the customary post-match Cobra beers kindly provided by our hosts.

All in all, a great day's cricket topped off by an innings to remember from a burly Queensland spam-generator.

Kensington 164 (41 overs)
Bowling: Douglas 13-1-42-3; Vettikat 14-2-45-3; Simmons 7-0-29-3; Ray D'inverno 5-1-18-1; Hajela 4-1-19-0; Skips 1-0-9-0
Catches: Johnstone 3, Vettikat 1; Piers 2; Simmons 1
New balls: 1 (taken in the second over)
Who ate all the pies at tea time this week?: "Wiskas" Vettikat

WCC 168-3 (36.2 overs) M Harvey 42; Hogben 23; Vickery 9; Johnstone 67*; Gallagher 7*