OLD-TIMERS PROVE LOVE CONQUERS ALL IN BUCKS
"You see we really are quite close to the top of the Chilterns" was the utterly useless explanation proffered later at the boozer by the oppo as to why the Weekenders left a sunny London to travel 40 odd miles into the moist and misty Ballinger. Indeed there were a few Ender's who were mist-eyed (and understandably moist) at the sight of our own love-gods, Simon Van der Borgh, (recently de-mulleted but no less handsome), Lyons (awfully comfortable in this part of the world), and Steve Dunne (in shorts and still no better pair of legs in the Isles) at the bar early doors recalling amongst themselves the grandeur with which this trio of stallions have strode so effortlessly across the fields of love, life and cricket with scant regard for convention, and with unbounded flair. Indeed, with so much testosterone in the confines of the boozer, one couldn't help thinking that the game was a foregone conclusion, a fluffer if you like to the main event.
Hogben, who hadn't made it to the boozer was so overwhelmed to see the great men together instantly declared his trousers to be missing and leapt at the opportunity to jump into a spare of Van der Borgh's. Such a shocking example of kit organisation did not go unnoticed and whilst Lyons, dressed only in a jock strap, remonstrated with Hoggers about why he didn't want a pair of his strides, Van der Borgh thought he'd spice things up a bit dabbing a touch of Deep Heat on the Squire of Buck's freckle. Skipper tried to calm the atmosphere by declaring that none of his kit had made it and would take anything from anyone, but was drowned out by the yelps of Lyons and the groans of the rest of the team as he pleaded with those about to go in with both hands and relieve him of the pain.
Nevertheless, the Oppo
had won the toss, and Hoggers and Marvel waded through the mud, fashionably
late for the start of play but not before the sole fan of the day, Mrs Johnners
in true Weekenders style abandoned the game for the comfort of roast chicken
and wine at Chez Lyons. But Hoggers didn't like it out there and came back rather
quickly. Corey liked it and he stayed for a bit, Johnners didn't last either
and decided to come back early and yell at the groundsman (for no particular
reason). This brought Lyons to the crease. He too, didn't like it much there
but not finding the groundsman yelled at Van der Borgh. It is not entirely clear
what was said, various accounts have been relayed, but the thrust of it was
thus:
Lyons: "Simon, since your haircut, you have become even more fetching indeed."
Van der Borgh: "Thank you Julian, the years have been kind to you too. Indeed
that ab-blaster you bought is worth its weight in gold."
Lyons: " I wish you years of happiness and prosperity."
Van der Borgh: "I will accept it only if I can share the rewards of life with
you."
Touching though this was, there was a game of cricket to be played. Marvel, claiming that his change back to his old bat had nothing to do with superstition but was to save the new bat from the damp ball starting swatting the attack like any top order Australian batsmen when they used to be good. Naturally, Steve Dunne steadied the ship at the other end and the 2 built a healthy partnership. But on reaching 50, Duffy determined that being out once every 5 years is not such a bad record and set about doing just that. However his memory had gone and he couldn't remember how, and despite Marvel eventually showing him how it was done, the task just proved beyond him and the innings was eventually declared under even more greying skies at a very healthy 230 odd.
Gladys took the new ball and proved as untouchable as ever whilst Van der Borgh tied them down at the other end. Indeed, after 6 overs with about that many on the board, Skipper decided to take the ball and invite a few shots. But the plan backfired when the oppo realised the intent of this bowling change and decided that if they didn't play any shots at all, the runs would still come. And they did. But the over eventually ended, and encouraged by a "nice spell Skip" from Hoggers, Skip decided on another. Lyons took the ball at the other end, put it on the spot and Van der Borgh in a stunning effort to help his old mate out, covered the outfield like a gazelle and snaffled it to his chest. Meanwhile, Skip replaced himself with Fergus, a local lad who stepped into the breach and promptly removed his best mate which bought the oppo's skipper to the crease.
After a couple of early chances were grassed, he set about chasing down the total. But with Vijay (not Hajela) taking a couple of poles at the other end, the Ender's were still in with a shot. Though as darkness descended their skipper oscillated between complaining that he couldn't see it and then smacking boundaries. Skip decided to let Hightower have one more shot at him - which he did releasing a 70 mile an hour beamer at his head, and the light was offered. It was so dark that only half the players made it back to the pavilion and only 3 left with their own gear. Hoggers later confessed that his strides had been there all the time, Johnners discovered that he'd donated is cricket underpants to the Ballinger kit and young Fergus was last seen disappearing in to the darkness muttering something about a bunch of queens.
Match drawn.
Stats:
WCC 226-5dec, BW 160-4
M.Harvey 71, Hogben
4, Co Swift 38, Johnstone 0, Lyons 0, Dunne 86*, M.d'Inverno 12* dnb: Jeyaratnam,
van der Borgh, Hunter, Hardy
Partnerships : Harvey/Swift 59 (2nd), Harvey/Dunne 123 (5th)
Hunter 5-3-15-0, van der Borgh 4-1-10-0, M.d'Inverno 2-0-15-0, Lyons 4-0-15-1, Hardy 6-0-34-1, Jeyaratnam 6-2-23-2, Co Swift 5-1-37-0, Dunne 1-0-8-0
ct: Swift, van der Borgh, Johnstone, Dunne
Note from Mr C. Johnstone:
"Catches - Johnstone 2 and I made 1 run - someone's trying to stiff me".
Stewards enquiry pending.