WCC HAM IT UP
(AKA: The day that Marvel died)

Match played at Ham fields near Richmond
12.06.05
WCC: 256/6 (dec) 34.2 overs
AA: 124, 31.2 overs
WCC win by 132 runs, Man of the Match: a well-deserving Richard 'Coach' Maloney

The day started poorly for the 'Enders with 'Me-Julie' Lyons inexplicably parading around in nought but a jock strap and a pair of black socks. The subsequent team pep talk did little to ease our pain with Jules going on to inform us of his tragic "g-string " related chaffing. After Coach Maloney's longs were taped up, the match commenced a little behind schedule at 2:35pm.

In a stunning decision, WCC elected to bat on a wicket likely to produce variable bounce when presented with pace, aggression or sheer luck. WCC chose to forgo the luxury of a 12th or indeed an 11th man due to the selection of Marvel Harvey, whose speed between the wickets and in the field was expected to make up for the lack of numbers.

Marvel opened the batting with Coach Maloney wearing what Veej (behind the stumps) described as a 'Fat suit' purchased shortly after his recent wedding at a 'Shallow Hal' fire sale. The openers plundered the AA openers, dispatching boundaries to all parts of the ground although from time to time, they were troubled by the occasional steep riser or low-baller (Ed. - that clearly doesn't work!). Coach and Marvel, WCC's version of the Odd Couple, exchanged mutual batting tips between each over and at least 2 umpires were amused if not impressed by Marvel's gracious acceptance of less than subtle running between wickets advice from Coach.

The AA attack finally removed Maloney after a dazzling 51. Swift (no nickname yet but now in possession of white trainers) notched a quick 15 before being removed after consultation between the umpires. Veej Hajela worked a useful 6 prior to Morty Vickery finding his box and taking the long trek to the middle. Morty's inception resulted in a typically beefy boundary heavy innings of 62 while Marvel kept the opposite end warm, fleeing to the safety of the non-strikers end on the last ball of most overs. Vickery was involved in two overs capable of stealing away Micky-G's 13-ball over record, facing two separate 10 ball overs, one going for 19 runs.

After the departures of Morty and Marvel for well earned 50's, 'Me-Julie' and Skips rounded off the best batting performance of the season thus far with some quick runs. Skips graciously declared at 256 with the weather closing in. Flat Pete extended his extra-ordinary not out streak to 9 months. In addition, his not batting streak extended to 8 months, 3 weeks.

Tea was a subdued affair in the absence of a WCC batting collapse to discuss. Whiskas Vettikat only went back for seconds and was clearly focused on the upcoming innings with Va Va Vule also putting in nicely for seconds with a quarter of chocolate cake. The egg sarnies were quality; however the lack of topless waitresses continues to be an issue at this fixture. Feeling far too relaxed, a couple of Enders were reluctant to get back on the pitch but that was soon solved by 'Me-Julie' Lyons suggestions of an encore jock-strap run. Within seconds, 10 men were back on the field and rearing to go!

AA opened their innings to a combination of Whiskas on a half-full stomach and Skips restricted to the partial use of his bowling hand after sustaining an injury diving to change the TV from soft-porn (naughty cricket boys 3) to CNN when his fiancé arrived home unexpectedly. The WCC openers quickly tied down AA who looked likely to see out the next thirty overs with fierce determination. One of the early overs highlights was Morty Vickery continuously changing his fielding position in a quest to seek out the single position requiring the least physical effort. After a rare AA drive, Marvel Harvey gave chase and while he chugged along at a PB of 5mph, someone let loose two Whippets just outside the boundary and for a beautiful moment, athlete and dog were running head to head. Needless to say, a fleeting moment it was as the dogs were travelling at 90 miles an hour while Marvel seemed to be doing a bionic man slow motion impersonation. It was unanimously voted that from now on, Marvel shall be known as Whippet. After some initial lapses in the field, the Enders managed to maintain a good standard of foot-fielding throughout the remainder of the innings.

Skips made the breakthrough prior to making some inspired choices later in the game. Flat Pete was introduced along with Swift who was keen to assert himself as the new intimidation weapon of WCC. Both Flat and Swift tied down the batting; however at 2-80, WCC needed inspiration. It was at this point that Skips noticed 'Me-Julie' jumping around uncomfortably due to his well publicised chaffing and his decision to throw Jules the ball paid instant dividends with a 2 wicket, 4 run over including a rare bouncer. AA 4-84.

Skips also introduced Coach (who had been 'self-motivating' for 25 overs) and had an immediate impact. With wickets starting to fall Morty Vickery subtly asked for a chance to bowl by removing his jumper and cap at the end of every over. Swift was re-introduced and made use of the variable bounce with several fullish deliveries bouncing up sharply and on one occasion, striking an unfortunate AA batsman on the lid. Maloney destroyed the middle order with Swift concentrating mainly on bowling erratically.

Five of the six bowlers produced wickets with V-Spot unfairly missing out after a great opening spell. Coach closed out the innings for his fourth to Me-Julie's delight having decided to 'free-ball' it for the next game to help with the rash.

An excellent all-in effort from all that led to a remarkable situation of three batsmen shouting jugs at the pub after the game.

WCC: 256/6 (dec) 34.2 overs
Maloney 51, Whippet Harvey (ne Marvel) 68, Swift 15, Hajela 6, Vickery 62, Lyons 20*, D'Inverno 7

AA: 124, 31.2 overs
Vettikat: 6/1/18/0, D'Inverno: 6/0/30/1, Simmons 7/2/26/1, Swift: 7/3/12/2, Lyons: 4/0/18/2, Maloney: 4/0/19/4
Catches: Hajela (wk) 2, Harvey 2, Simmonds 1