MESSAGE FOR CHIEF SMEE FROM A LOYAL SUBJECT INSIDE THE AUSTRALASIAN COLONY OF WEEKENDIA.

Sargent Men 248-8 dec (47.5 overs)

WCC 251-6 (41.3 overs)

WCC won by four wickets

Some thing change since you no longer our leader, Tony. Only four of us natives played on Sunday, but we showed those colonists that we not so bad at cricket. Maloney bat like Aussie boss man!

When the big flying sky-tin brought those blokes to our island from their hot-Christmas country, Tony, that was a good day for Weekenders. Morty Boss can hit it like kicking zebra, Gallagher Boss recover from wide-bowling record and now play like god, Franks Boss hits the deck harder than a basket of breadfruit, Desmeules and Va va Vule Bosses hunt the boundary like hungry hyenas with a grudge. PJ Boss? Well, he keep wicket and give me smoke sometime.

They treat us pretty good and some of them they have car and own women. No surprise, Tony, because most of them work in big glass law hut and charge three hundred pound an hour.

Anyway Tony, like I say, on Sunday Marvel Boss won toss at the Bank of England ground and stuck the oppo in. He say to Duggo ‘If Duggo work hard, get plenty pole, we give him plenty smokes and plenty yellow bubble-water.’ (Weekenders have big weakness for Aussie bubble-water. Sometime it make Duggo fall over and talk about the old days, then Duggo get sore head but still do same again next Sunday.)

Duggo take new ball with Ferg, who have been on the vegan pies lately by the look of him and bowl much better as a result. He get first pole. Then Duggo bowl Peck off his pads and make Sargent Men real sad. Jonathan Kydd hit 62 and make them happy again. Ringer called Walpole hit 38 off 20 balls and he make Franks real sore by hitting him for five fours on trot. Franks have last laugh though and bowl his castle over. Then he do the same to next bloke. Franks have figures of 2 for 21 off 9 balls at one point.

Gallagher keep it tight and pose one helluva big problem for LBC’s agony uncle Phillip Hodson. Mick not understand irony of this - they still have much to learn, Tony, about our ways.

Weekenders real sore when Sargent Men bat longtime 48 overs. Then we get small tea which cost plenty dollar and make us mad. We all make traditional joke about this being how Bank of England got so rich. Things look bad and we remember the old saying of our people - Even a Weekender with no cake and crisps in his mouth will find a way to choke.

Maloney and Vickery start to chase target of 249 like a pair of impala what have been stung on the bottom by bees. 40 off first three overs. Morty hit 49 in no time but then he bowled by the first ball he didn’t middle. First wicket down at 105 in the 14th.

Coach play beautiful outside his skin. Does he give a chance? No Sir - the ball stay closer to the ground than a terrapin’s bedroom slippers. But oh dear Tony, Wickets go down at the other end. Lyons run out by 30 yard throw from ringer Walpole at mid-wicket, then Marvel and PJ they take a walk in the dung ditch! We 146-4 Tony.

Gallagher join Maloney and they put on 108 twinkly style. Always they know just how many they need and how many they got - like a sow what don’t need to count her titties. Their partnership shows colonialism not such a bad thing and it perfectly possible for peoples to get along fine. Then PJ give Maloney out LBW which undermine theory a bit. But what a hundred, Tony. We may never see a better one.

Duggo come in with six overs left and clobber winning runs to cow.

‘You beauty!’ as wrong-way-plug-water man say.

May your cold-frame be ever fertile, Tony.

Duggo

STATS

Sargent Men 248-8 dec (47.5 overs)

Peck 25, H. Walpole 38, Kydd 62, Coy, 23, J. Walpole 33.

Douglas 15.5-3-58-2; Webster 11-2-60-2; Gallagher 5-1-27-1; Franks 10-4-38-3; Desmeules 3-0-39-0; M Harvey 3-0-16-0

Catches: 1 each P Harvey (kpr) Gallagher

WCC 251-6 (41.3 overs)

Maloney 106 (101 balls), Vickery 49 (47 balls), Lyons 14 (28 balls), P Harvey 0 (2 balls), M Harvey 6 (12 balls), Gallagher 46 (49 balls), Douglas 9* (7 balls), Franks 0* (1 ball)

J Walpole 13.3-0-53-4

Shoes worn: 2 (Curson, Scorer)