HOPE WILTS IN THE FEN COUNTRY

Chippenham 241-5 dec.

WCC 210

Lost by 31

Some Weekenders were under the impression that we were playing at the Chippenham in Wiltshire. The directions on the website clearly state that it’s in Suffolk. Given that it’s actually in Cambridgeshire it was a miracle we managed to take the field at five past two with a full eleven plus scorer. Some of us even had time to sink a couple of sharpeners in the Tharp Arms and buy some asparagus from a geezer selling bunches from inside his anorak.

The skipper marked his return by losing his wallet and keys well before the start, beating his PB by a good half hour. But d’Inverno’s wealth of experience came into play when he walked out to toss, shrewdly eyeballing the opposition skipper and calling ‘You better bat first because we’re crap’. It was a stroke of tactical genius which produced a fantastic day for all concerned: 451 runs scored, a beautiful flat wicket, a tea to die for – if not a tea to die of - and no rain.

The Weekenders’ attack began by politely serving up a choice selection of North London pies and when Chippenham steamed past 200 for 1 in the 34^th over it looked as if the visitors might wilt like an over-boiled asparagus spear. Salvation came in the form of Mike Harvey’s dibblies which nipped out 2 for 60 in a mere nine overs. Vickery snuck in with a cheeky two-fer at the death. And after 40 overs, including a thundering ton from Heather, skipper Pallant reckoned 241 was enough.

The Weekenders fielding never completely surrendered and there were some spectacular shies at the stumps, notably from Hugh Jones (inexplicably nicknamed ‘Sailor’ for the day) and Andy ‘More Tea’ Vickery, which had no material effect except to boost morale. Dan Vuletich hurled himself manfully around the long-on boundary wearing – unusually for a debutant - a pair of white trainers. But nobody covered more ground than Curson who kept score in seven different colours while running in and out of the score box every couple of minutes to change the numbers of the steepling total.

Perhaps the most notable feature of the innings was ‘Nass’ donning the wicket-keeping gloves for the first time since puberty. After a few early fumbles the ball was soon melting soundlessly into the chirpy Mancunian’s gauntlets. By the tenth over he was doing eccentric Jack Russell-like exercises and shouting meaningless encouragement - ‘wind it up lads’, that sort of thing. Come teatime he had taken up watercolours and was painting a patriotic scene of the D-Day landings.

Our response began in glorious fashion with Hoggers and Morty Vickery thrashing 74 off the first ten overs. In the heady atmosphere of the visitors’ balcony an entire packet of Vickery’s fags disappeared amid the excitement while books and newspapers were laid aside and the case against a certain tabloid editor will perhaps require a little extra work during the week.

With the score at 83 both openers were gone and the optimists were wondering if we might scrape a hundred. Such lofty hopes ebbed away when Sutton, our tormentor last year and a Captain Birdseye lookalike to rival Read, wrapped his calloused old sea dog’s hands around the ball. But he had reckoned without the merciless broadsides of Sailor Hugh Jones. Then Husaini, having soaked his teatime Weetabix for exactly one and a half minutes, pulled on his union jack boxers and thumped a brilliant 36 from 40 balls.

It was at 168-7 that the skipper quoted Michael Frayn’s famous line ‘It's not the despair that I hate, I can cope with that. It's the hope that gets you’. Wickets duly fell and although the Weekenders flame guttered fitfully to the end we were cleaned up with nine balls of the match remaining.

A thrilling afternoon was capped when the Skipper not only found his wallet but managed to offload the club kitbag onto an unwary Husaini, still glowing from his triumphs. Nass later confided that his wife had raised an eyebrow in disappointment when he lugged the loathed bag into the house. But then she isn’t the first woman to feel let down when clapping eyes on a Weekender’s equipment and she won’t be the last. Disappointment can indeed be handled, but the hope? Ah, the hope.

Chippenham 241 for 1 declared (40 overs)

S. Heather 108 (114 balls), J. Vanderpeer 55 (50 balls)

Bowling: Douglas 10-4-42-0, Narayanan 5-0-20-0, Webster 8-0-44-1,

PJ Harvey 2-0-19-0, M. d’Inverno 2-0-17-0, M.Harvey 9-0-60-2, Vickery 4-0-28-2.

Catches: 1 each; Webster, Douglas, P. Harvey, Husaini (Wkt. Kpr)

Meringues: M. Harvey 3 (he’s claiming 4 but the scorer’s decision cannot be revoked)

WCC 210 all out (46.3 overs)

Hogben 36 (58 mins 49 balls), Vickery 42 (47 mins 39 balls), Webster 4 (27 mins 21 balls), P Harvey 13 (31 mins 33 balls), Hugh Jones 17 (19 mins 24 balls), Husaini 36 (43 mins 40 balls), Vuletich 0 (1 min 1 ball), M Harvey 18 (31 mins 33 balls), Douglas 27 not out (30 mins 25 balls), Narayanan 4 (14 mins 16 balls), M. d’Inverno 3 (9 mins 6 balls).

J. Heather 4-0-22-0, R. Ward 7-0-64-0, Chop Sutton 5-2-14-1, K. Pallant 11.3-5-17-3, G. Singh 7-1-34-1, C. Robinson (Cpt. B’eye) 9-1-40-3, D. Hughes 3-0-15-1.

Debut: D. Vuletich