It is with great regret that the Weekenders Cricket Club announce they were stuffed, trussed, flayed, mogged, botty-licked and cheek-spanked by the Madhatters for the first time in living memory.

The cause of death is thought to be a combination of overconfidence, a half mile walk from the car park and a meagre tea. Also some woefully profligate bowling and pathetic batting.

CORONER’S REPORT:

Madhatters: 174

Sackville 7-1-26-4, P. Harvey 8-1-20-3, Douglas 8-1-23-1, d’Inverno 5-0-34-1,

M. Freeman 4-0-26-0, Hargroves 4-0-31-0.

Catches (which obviously don’t win matches any more): M. Freeman 1 screamer, M. Harvey 2, Douglas 2, Hargroves 1

Run out: Johnstone

Weekenders: 78

Hogben 2, M Harvey 6, Hargroves 11, Watts 0, Johnstone 2, Sackville 6, P Harvey 0, Douglas 31 n.o., M. Freeman 1, d’Inverno 1, S. Freeman 0.

Debut: Watts.

Deepest sympathy is extended to relatives of the players, many but not all of whom have made themselves available for Chippenham next Sunday. So there’s still a few places left for anyone who believes in reincarnation.