STELLAR BATTING LINE–UP FAILS TO SPARKLE WHILE STELLA BOWLING GOES FLAT.
WCC 93 all out.
Hit or Miss 94-5.
In an eerily cruel twist of fate an innocent mid-week email from the Weekenders captain has come back to haunt him in his darkest hour of defeat. The text of the message, which has been leaked via an unnamed source called Graham, reads as follows:
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Boys,
Good morning to you both - don't
know 'bout you boys but I'm raring to
go on sunday. What with Chiari and Maloney
back in the fold we should
be getting up to anything
approaching the low nineties. Heady times.
Small wonder that a man cursed with such powers of prescience might occasionally be tempted to seek solace in the bottom of a glass.
Talking of alcohol, full marks and sou’westers off to Dr Hargroves for getting eleven Weekenders on the soggy park, and top effort to persuade a reluctant oppo to go ahead with the match and allow us to plough up their square with our assortment of boots and sports-casual fashion trainers.
Style was definitely the keynote as the much-vaunted Weekenders batting line-up failed to match astute sock and shoe choices with careful shot selection. Sparky cameos from Hogben and Lyons, an all too brief snapshot of Winchester College in the eighties from Chiari, and a hint of things to come, perhaps, with several surgical strikes from Halifax heartthrob Richard Edwards. Unfortnately after all his hard work during the week, Hargroves poked his fourth ball straight back into the bowler’s hands. The mortified medico’s demise marked the end of the now customary Weekenders collapse which had begun in the third over and was not halted until the pavilion’s aged electric scoreboard read a disappointing and slightly puzzling ¬/]
^.
Mike Harvey, grafting splendidly, was joined by Douglas for a ninth-wicket block ‘n’ slog interlude that took the score to a marginally less embarrassing /-<. A trademark Douglas shot brought in d’Inverno, pad flaps waving wildly in the stiff breeze, to play Tony Blair to Harvey’s Gordon Brown. With the Leader calling ‘yes, at any price’ and the prudent accumulator urging caution the outcome was inevitable. But they’re still the best of friends.
The home team began their reply and after an early breakthrough from the skipper there followed a period of stalemate in which nobody got out or appeared to score any runs, apart from the odd single to Hargroves. Slowly, the Hit or Miss innings began to gain substance - though by how many exactly nobody knew, apart from Graham and we were too scared to ask him because he was still chuntering about the singles. Unable to bear the tension, the crowd, consisting of Fiona and Alison, had to go back over the road to the pub.
Out of the blue Hargroves got a full-toss on target, Harvey pouched a skyer at the third attempt then Maloney broke through with two quick wickets, making some strange owl-like noises as he did so. With the board now reading ¬^ the wobble was definitely on. -^
But the home side had, in fact, timed their chase through the final twenty overs to perfection, leaving themselves just 2 to make off the final over, and winning by five wickets with four balls to spare.
STATS
WCC 93
Maloney 1, Hogben 14, Chiari 4, Lyons 13, M. Harvey 23 not out, R. Edwards 7, Painter 2, C.Johnstone 2, Hargroves 0, Douglas 15, d’Inverno 5.
Hit or Miss 94-5
Douglas 14-5-27-1, d’Inverno 6-0-21-1, Hargroves 7-0-16-1, M. Harvey 5-0-13-0, Maloney 5.2-2-11-2.
Catch: M. Harvey
Debut: R. Edwards
Wholesale changes are planned by the selectors for next week’s game against the National Theatre. If you fancy tucking in to some tasty thespian pies or ripping out a poncy actor’s pole get in touch now with the surgeon of swing himself, Dr Disco Hargroves.