Actors Anonymous

Flat Pete

Gentlemen...

It was a beautiful day, the sun shone down and scorched the backs of both
teams in a fabulous and multi-talented game of cricket played in the finest
traditions of the game.

In Barbados.

In Barnes it was bastard cold. But at least it didn't rain.

The headlines...

Weekenders winning streak continues - two in a row.

Er - that't it. But in more depth...

Late-arriving weekenders guided in by deep red glow coming from wedding
tackle of Whitehead (yes, he's back...) following "strenuous" evening.
Various tall talk about fitness instructors and school uniforms get in first
psychological blow, unfortunately the opposition didn't hear any of them, so
it's slightly self-inflicted.

Weekenders appear to win toss - and insert Actors Anonymous (and yes, that
bloke playing rubbish for them is indeed in the Bill).

Oppo make reasonable start until opener clobbers one straight at skipper at
mid off, who displays new catching tactic - kneeling down to put hands above
head. Effective.

Webster one of five weekenders bowlers to take two wickets, and Freeman
starts twirling - quicker ball knocks out off stump before batsman blinks,
flying bail narrowly misses decapitating Brockis.

Swaab holds two catches at silly mid on, another at back square leg - and
Simmonds clutches medium-high swirler to apparent astonishment of
colleagues.

Weekenders bowling attack unperturbed by sight of 11 year old coming in at
11. He ends up with 3 not out, his side's 7th top scorer.

Skipper wanders to trees to urinate, thus scaring passengers on board buses
passing down road not ten yards away. Hargroves wanders instead to boundary
and displays evidence of a bladder of elephantine proportions. Urination
officially timed at 1 minute 43 seconds, which we think is a new weekenders
record.

Confusion about who's actually at home means Freeman makes tea. So much for
the joys of being a wandering and no washing up side.

Maloney and Hogben open, Hoggers smashes first ball to square leg and is
dropped. Other Hogben highlights include being applauded on 55 for his
fifty, in a classic weekenders moment.

Maloney is apparently jinxed by umpire Simmonds.

Whitehead tells his story of success at school disco for the umpteenth time.

Hargroves umpires in wooly hat. Scorers retire to Fergus's car to get out
of cold and proceed to wind up opposition by acknowledging every umpiring
gesture with a flash of lights and a sound of the horn.

Victory is eventually assured with about seven overs and five wickets left.

Stats - Hogben 60*, Brockis 39. 2 wickets each to Webster, Swaab, Freeman,
Simmonds, Whitehead. 3 catches to Swaab, 1 each to Simmonds & D'Inverno,
stumping to Brockis. Probably another one somewhere but forgive me for
omitting it here.

So - the next game is at Chippenham, which is out near Newmarket. Your team
needs you - let Mike Freeman know and get involved in the continuing success
story that is...

The Weekenders!

Flat.

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